Women for Dummies

Imagine walking into a class on the first day and being told that you would receive no textbook, or instruction, but that you would be expected to pass tests and be graded accordingly.  Oh, maybe you get a list of topics, but no information to study.  No formal instruction.  Just your brain…and luck.

I think that must be what it’s like for a man in a new relationship.  He’s supposed to know the answers without being told.  Without any direction.  He’s just supposed to “know how I’m feeling”. 

Face it ladies – we are cryptic, mysterious, mind-changing ninjas.  We give tests without ever teaching a class and we change the course material without ever telling the student.

I am a woman.  Most of my friends are women.  My mother is one.  So is my favorite aunt.  As many similarities as we all may have, we are all very unique in our own sets of like and dislikes – in our dreams, hopes, and expectations.  But one thing almost ALL of us seem to have in common?  We (consciously or subconsciously) want our man to know what we want/expect without having to actually spell it out.  We somehow feel validated in our relationship if “he knows me so well, I don’t even have to say it”.  And when reality hits, and he does or says the opposite of what you were expecting him to do/say – we are NOT happy.  He doesn’t know you AT ALL.  You cried on his shoulder for an hour when you gave him every detail of your crappy day, and he heard NOTHING.

Well, maybe those three-gazillion things you meant by the five-word sentence you used to tell him what you wanted just didn’t come through.  I don’t think we’re from different planets, or speak different languages.  I think we don’t convey NEARLY as much information telepathically as we think we do.  I mean, how long will it take us to realize that our boyfriends/husbands/S.O.s aren’t following us around, taking notes, analyzing every little thing we do and storing it away for future reference (and if he was, how creepy would THAT be?).  They’re not GIRLS, for God’s sakes.  It may take YEARS of learning by trial and error (and dozens of fights/silent treatments) for even the most loving and observant of men to get a decent grasp on the many ins and outs of the maze that is the female mind.  Seriously, how many times have you discussed a topic with your friends for an hour that you spent 60-seconds explaining to your man?

I feel sorry for men.  I really do. 

Sure, twenty years down the road, brow-beaten but present, he will probably be finishing your sentences for you.  He’ll know how you take your coffee and that you don’t own a watch because you hate the noise it makes when it clinks against your desk at work.  He’ll know you like the back of his ruler-scarred hand.  He will have passed the tests because he learned from experience.  You are now an open textbook.

But until then, what I don’t get is why we have such a hard time sharing, clearly and concisely, what we like and what we hope they will do for us.  You hated the kitchen-knife sharpener he gave you for your first anniversary?  Why not say, “Honey, I really appreciate the gesture, but I would really prefer a spa day to a steel rod.”  I think we’d be so much better off if we each developed a…owner’s manual…eh no – not owner…user’s manual…not much better….OH!  A handbook!  Make your new man a HANDBOOK!  Tell him all the things he needs to know about you.  Your preferences.  Your guilty pleasures.  Your favorite songs and that you like the roll of toilet paper to roll from the top. Maybe even include your Amazon wish list!  Just put it right out there in black and white!  Type it in color even!  In fact – for you techier couples, make an online version that can be updated daily and accessible from his phone. 

In a world where good men are hard to find, and crazy women ruin most of them – we really need to step up our game and admit that we are just going to have to adapt.  We have to get smarter.  A good defense is the best offense.  Let’s head off those tiny little squabbles that turn into deal breakers because you expected the impossible.  Because let’s face it girls – the only person qualified to teach a class on you is YOU!

         

        

                                                    

                                                                                                  

                                                                                A book on women written by a man. 

                                                                                                                                Interesting...